Being an ally is active, not passive. It sounds absurd now, but I’ve only just internalised that you can’t rely on simply knowing that you’re a person with good intentions who isn’t racist, sexist, misogynistic, transphobic, homophobic, xenophobic, ableist. Because allyship isn’t about intention. Because declaring “I am an ally” is insufficient.
Listening is vital too, but it’s not enough either, and to be completely honest it hasn’t felt enough to stand by and simply watch as it all unfolds. We, that is myself and other white cis women, need to act without inserting ourselves, to reach out to other white, straight, cis, privileged people, hopefully, to solidify our choice to be and act as allies. To encourage others. Because it’s a choice, and not an identity. It seems that this is what we have misunderstood all along. No one is born an ally.
Being an ally is active, not passive.
In truth, and perhaps it’s selfish too, I also cannot really stand the thought of running a blog where I post about women’s issues and feminism, where I eco-criticise Black Friday and discuss the violence we commit against our environment, if only to consciously and casually decide to skip over racism, or how to be an ally to any oppressed community that isn’t my own, just because I’m afraid to broach the topic, or to mess up my part. So I’ve decided to post and share what I’ve discussed with others, and compiled over these past few weeks. I might fuck up, and I’ll take the risk that comes with change.
Being a better ally
There are perhaps many different versions and definitions of what it means to be an ally. It might seem over-whelming, but the more you research, read, learn, and listen, the better equipped you become, and the more you’ll grow to understand about how to act, and when to act. There will always be more, there will always be ways to better yourself, and diverging advice. Let’s start with advice and pointers that are echoed across the board, and discussed in The Guide to Allyship by Amélie Lamont, and these videos by Ahsante Bean (Ahsante The Artist) and Franchesca Ramsey (Chescaleigh).
- Allyship isn’t passive, and it’s not enough to proclaim yourself an ally. Ally is a verb too, so do the work.
- You educate yourself, consultation is a job and it’s not free. Education is not static, so keep reading and learning, there’s always more.
- Stand up even when you feel scared, especially because you are less likely to be attacked or hurt, and more likely to convince people who share your privilege to become allies.
- There is no singular experience of what it means and what it is to be black, queer, trans, black gay/bi/lesbian/asexual, disabled gay, the list goes on. You cannot read one author or watch one film, and understand ‘the‘ black experience or ‘the‘ queer experience, because there is no unified experience, even if there are similarities, recurring themes, or shared struggles that crop up.
- Do your part and transfer the benefits of your privilege onto others. Hire, pay, include, insert, promote, support, help and consult where appropriate.
- Understand and use your privilege appropriately. Racist people are more likely to listen to other white people, family members are more likely to listen to other family members. Men are more likely to listen to other men. Use your voice where others cannot. Do not insert your voice where others can speak for themselves.
- Understand that even if you are an ally and want to contribute positively, the conversation is not about you. As Chescaleigh puts it, you’re the Michelle, not the Beyoncé (sorry not sorry Michelle!).
- Don’t take credit. It’s not about intent, it’s about impact.
- Own your mistakes, apologise, and de-centre yourself.
- Even if the education system is heavily flawed and focuses on straight, cis, white, male experiences, understand that your education, especially if you are privileged, is up to you and no one else. You can google, you can decide what to read in your spare time, you can decide to engage in conversations. You have agency beyond the institution and beyond the curriculum.
- Understand what privilege means. Privilege does not mean being rich or not having struggled. You can occupy several positions of privilege even if parts of you or your experience are disadvantaged. This will also help you understand your rights, which is crucial in order to compare them to rights others do not have.
Towards debunking misconceptions I’ve heard as an academic and a writer
- “The best and most prolific authors were and are white, cisgender, able-bodied, neurotypical, hetero, men. That’s just how it is.”
• Ace Books: 8 Reading Recommendations With Canon Asexual Representation, The Mary Sue
• Asexual Authors Speak Out About Representation (And Ostracization) In Fiction, Medium
• Asexual Book Lists, Goodreads
• Asexual Writers, Asexual Artists
• Award-Winning Books by Asian Authors, The Culture Trip
• Books Written by Disabled Authors, Goodreads
• Contemporary Trans* and Nonbinary Authors, Medium
• Own Voices: Asexual and Demisexual Authors, San Francisco Public Library
• South-Asian Authors and Their Must-Read Books!, Yogawalla
• The best books by writers with disabilities, Enable Magazine
• The 25 Best LGBT Novels of All Time, Book Riot
• Top 10 Contemporary African Writers , The Culture Trip
• 8 Books That Move Disability From the Margins to the Center, Lithub
• 14 Must-Read Books Written by Trans and Nonbinary Authors, POPSUGAR
• 15 Books by Latino & Latin American Authors to Add to Your 2020 Reading List, Remezcla
• 20 Life-altering Books by Latinx Authors Everyone Should Read, My Domain
• 20 Queer Authors from History Who You Need to Know, Bookstr
• 21 Books from the 21ST century that explore the arab woman’s experience, Scene Arabica
• 25 Books by Contemporary Black Authors, Penguin
• 25 Queer Authors You Absolutely Should Be Reading If You’re Not Already, Bustle - “There are no well-known non-white female writers.”
• Hispanic Heritage Month: 10 Captivating Novels by Latina Authors To Read, Off The Shelf
• Just 21 Books By Women Of Colour That You Should Know About, Buzzfeed
• 7 Female East Asian Writers to Move your Heart and your Mind, Books and Bao
• 10 Amazing Books by Asian Women Everyone Should Read This Year, The EveryGirl
• 56 Books By Women and Nonbinary Writers of Color to Read in 2020, Electric Literature - “Historically, there simply aren’t (as) many women in the Arts.”
• Archives of Women Artists, Research and Exhibitions, AWARE
• Black Blossoms: the black female artists you should be following, Virgin
• Pre-Raphaellite Women, Internet Archive Way Back Machine.
• The Medea Insurrection: Radical Women Artists Behind the Iron Curtain, The Wende Museum
• The Women Painters Overlooked by Art History, Google Arts and Culture.
• Victorian and Edwardian Women Artists, Internet Archive Way Back Machine
• Why Have There Been No Great Women Artists?, Linda Nochlin - “Black people are more likely to commit a crime.”
• Another ‘excuse’ for police bias bites the dust, The Washington Post
• Black People Are Charged at a Higher Rate Than Whites. What if Prosecutors Didn’t Know Their Race?, The New York Times
• Racial and Ethnic Disparities in Crime and Criminal Justice in the United States, by Robert J. Sampson and Janet L. Lauritsen
• Stop using ‘black-on-black crime to deflect away from police brutality, Cleveland
• The Biggest Lie in the White Supremacist Propaganda Playbook: Unraveling the Truth About ‘Black-on-White Crime’, SPL Center
• The Dangerous Racialization of Crime in U.S. News Media, Center for American Progress
• White supremacists’ favorite myths about black crime rates take another hit from BJS study, Southern Poverty Law Center - “There are plenty of well-payed women nowadays. Gender gaps aren’t a thing.”
• Global pay gap will take 202 years to close, says World Economic Forum, The Guardian
• How big is the gender pay gap in your country?, International Labour Organization
• Mind the Gap: gender equality in the film industry, UNESCO
• Mind the 100 Year Gap, World Economic Forum
• The Brutal Math of Gender Inequality in Hollywood, The Atlantic
• The Women’s Leadership Gap, American Progress Center - “Women didn’t publicly complain about misogyny before MeToo.”
• Long before #MeToo, women in many parts of the world organized successful campaigns against sexual violence, The World
• #MeToo – Why speaking out is not about timing, but finding a voice, Your Story
• The Women of Hollywood Speak Out, The New York Times Magazine
• ‘Why didn’t she speak up then?’: 8 questions on the ‘Me Too’ movement answered, The News Minute - “White women and non-white women face the same struggles.”
• Equal Pay Day 2019: Intersectionality and the Pay Gap, Your Dream Blog
• Hollywood, black actresses and the squishy metrics of who gets paid what, Chicago Tribune
• Intersectional analysis shows the largest pay gaps in HE are for Black men and women, UCEA
• Invisibility of race in gender pay gap discussions, Forbes
• The Most Popular Black Actresses In The Industry Aren’t Impressed With Hollywood, Refinery 29
• We Need An Intersectional Approach to Closing the Wage Gap for Black Women, A Better Balance
Ally resources
- A guide towards Allyship, Transwhat?
- An anti-racist reading list, NY times
- Be an Ally & a Friend, GLAAD
- Doing Social Justice: 10 Reasons to Give Up Ableist Language, The Huffington Post
- Donate and educate yourself: A list of ways to be a better ally, The GW Hatchet
- Educate Yourself, Black Lives Matter
- How to be a (male) feminist ally, Feminist Current
- 10 Simple Ways White People Can Step Up to Fight Everyday Racism, Everyday Feminism
Donate
- Black Lives Matter: Fund the Movement
- COC
- Disability Rights Fund
- Global Fund for Women
- International Disability Alliance
- In Memory of Tony McDade
- I Run With Maud
- LGBT Foundation
- Mental Health Foundation
- Mermaids
- Mind
- NAACP Legal Defense and Educational Fund, Inc
- Official George Floyd Memorial Fund
- Official Justice for Breonna Taylor
- Point of Pride
- Reclaim The Block
- Transgender Law Center
- UN Women
- Women’s Aid
Marques Brownlee; on skin colour, and following authentically
Creators & accounts to follow
• Ahsante The Artist, kickass art and socio-cultural critique
• Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, whatever your political beliefs
• Ashley | Best Dressed, best thrifting and open talks about sexuality
• Black Pride NL, on a mission for Black Pride in the Netherlands
• Black Queer & Trans Resistance, a Black LGBTI+ political action group.
• Button Poetry, inclusive & multilingual performance poetry
• Check Your Privilege, unlearn and relearn and dismantle the system
• Chescaleigh, socio-cultural critique and comedy
• Contrapoints, controversial chats about feminism, inceldom, trans experiences
• Feminist, self-explanatory I hope
• Free The Nipple, seriously, free it
• Ginny Di, astounding female cosplayer, gamer & artist, reviving pin-up
• Grace Beverley, sustainable business, fitness, and fashion queen
• Hannah | Studyous, my amazing friend & literary queen with an instagram that is to die for, focusing on diverse book reviews
• Jazzmyne, aesthetic, style, comedy, socio-cultural critique
• Jouelzy, in depth commentary on intersectional feminism & diaspora
• Kathy | Kathy Drops A Line, my fabulous friend & pro journal keeper, sharing a selection of personal experiences on her beautiful, minimalist blog
• KO Zwarte Piet, against the Black Peter ‘tradition’ in the Netherlands
• Life With Lanea, simply hilarious?
• Machaizelli Kahey | MacDoesIt, satirical commentary and fun reviews
• Marques Brownlee, detailed and honest tech reviews
• Michelle Phan, the ultimate OG beauty queen, guru, and makeup artist
• Nederland Wordt Beter, towards a future without racism and discrimination in the Netherlands
• Phenomenal, female-owned business with a beautiful message & aesthetic
• Rain Dove, a rad AF no-labels, fashionista activist & actress
• SAARA, great music and weird shit that is wholesome as funk
• Sad Girls Club, mental health & feminism
• Saima Chowdhury | SaimaSmilesLike, great cultural critique, photography, and podcasts
• Salty World, providing a voice to all babes who are justifiably salty
• SolangeTeParle, it’s just weird and different and I love it?
• StyleLikeU, mother-daughter-run storytelling platform & project
• TALA, sustainable, ethical & diverse business headed by Grace Beverley
• The Black Archives Amsterdam, cultural centre and archive striving to make hidden history visible
• Therapissed, thought- and action-provoking posts on trauma and allyship
• The Spark Company, sassy feminist critiques and great apparel
• Unapologetic Street Series, storytelling in public spaces
• We All Grow Latina, highlighting latina & latinx voices
Supporting in Amsterdam
- Amsterdam Pride Get Involved, Pride Foundation
- Black-Owned Businesses in Amsterdam, Trippin World
- Black Heritage Tours
- El Rincón del Libro
- How to Spend a Day in Black-Owned Amsterdam, Travel Noire
- LBTI resources & organisations, iAmsterdam
- Map of Black Owned Businesses, Afro Magazine
- 11 x Nederlandse black-owned businesses om te supporten, NSMBL
My 2020 reading list: honest and hopefully improved
- A Clockwork Orange by Anthony Burgess
- A Room of One’s Own by Virginia Woolf
- A Single Man by Christopher Isherwood
- Becoming by Michelle Obama
- Beloved by Toni Morrison
- Between the World and Me by Ta-Nehisi Coats
- City of Ash and Red by Hye-Young Pyun
- Dawn by Octavia E. Butler
- Fun Home by Allison Bechdel
- Giovanni’s Room by James Baldwin
- Grand Union: Stories’ by Zadie Smith
- Hagseed by Margaret Atwood
- Hood Feminism: Notes from the Women That a Movement Forgot by Mikki Kendall
- How to Be an Antiracist by Ibram X. Kendi
- In Other Worlds: SF and The Human Imagination by Margaret Atwood
- Kallocain by Karin Boye
- Kindred by Octavia E. Butler
- La Peste by Albert Camus
- Las Constelaciones Oscuras by Pola Oloixarac
- Le Deuxième Sexe by Simone de Beauvoir
- MaddAddam by Margaret Atwood
- Me and White Supremacy by Layla F. Saad
- Oryx and Crake by Margaret Atwood
- Parable of the Sower by Octavia E. Butler
- Rayuela by Julio Cortázar
- Reflections on the Color of My Skin by Neil deGrasse Tyson
- So You Want to Talk About Race by Iljeoma Oluo
- Stone Butch Blues by Leslie Feinberg
- Stone Butch Blues by Leslie Feinberg
- Such a Fun Age by Kiley Reid
- The Castle, Franz Kafka
- The Memory Police by Yoko Ogawa
- The Price of Salt, by Patricia Highsmith
- The Year of the Flood by Margaret Atwood
- War and Peace by Leo Tolstoy
- We by Yevgeny Zamyatin
- ‘We Should All Be Feminists’ by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie
- White Fragility by Robin DiAngelo
- Who Fears Death by Nnedi Okorafor
Appendix
You might be doubting yourself, or feeling guilty. I’m the same; however, putting too much focus on these thoughts risks re-centring the conversation back onto yourself rather than the people you are supposed to be an ally to. If you’re considering writing or talking about your own experience of someone else’s reality, in depth and beyond a superficial disclaimer or footnote, take into account how it might re-centre the focus onto yourself. Ask yourself if that is your goal. It shouldn’t be.
Of course, I don’t deny the existence of a plethora of dichotomies (potential) allies might want to consider, discuss, and conduct research on:
- Listening vs being an inactive bystander
- Speaking up vs speaking on behalf of
- Being vocal and supportive vs inserting yourself
- Supporting vs exhibiting white saviour complex
- The social media era: to share, comment, like, and participate, or not
- Promoting vs seeming insincere and part of a trend
- Online activism vs IRL activism vs both
- Asking for advice only vs also educating yourself
- Educating yourself vs trusting yourself enough to conduct quality research
- Recognising and accepting the consequences of innate bias vs undermining your capacity to consciously counter and question bias when conducting research
- Reading only vs also writing on being an ally
- Being an inclusive & diverse brand or business vs profiting off of someone else’s experiences of oppression & marginalisation
- Not your conversation vs the vantage point you have in a conversation with other straight, cis, white people
But we do have to remind ourselves, especially in this self-obsessed social media selfie era: this is not about me or you. It’s not about our feelings. It’s not about our experience. It’s not about victimising ourselves. Being nervous or unsure is natural, but it shouldn’t take over your responsibilities as an ally. Use your platform to actively, openly, and selflessly support, uplift, listen to, and promote other voices.
So from hereon out, we drop ourselves from the equation, we move past our (un)related issues, past guilt and self doubt, and past ‘self’. We, for lack of a better metaphor, become humanitarian customer service. Do your own research, stand by to help politely but not overbearingly. Always apologise, always de-centre, always be attentive to feedback, and never be defensive. Your mindset from now on is:
How can I help you?
Snitch 